I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
