your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
