weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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