Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
