just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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