Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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