The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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