I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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