Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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