I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
