my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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