...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
