youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
