I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
