I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
