If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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