your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
