he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
