**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
