no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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