Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
