i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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