No awkward lesbian experiences without me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ugly people sure do ruin things
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
