man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
two words: eviction party
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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