just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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