We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
