woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
