so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
