I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
