My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
