I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
