Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
