why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
