That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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