How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
