How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
