I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
