her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
