Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
