im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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