her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
