She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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