Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
