Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
