just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
