Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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