got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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