You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
