If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
