So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
