So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
