Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
