Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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