just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
