I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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