you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
