trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to cum in my sink.
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